Pissing Into the Wind...

Fuck it.


I was kind of hoping that my last post was going to be wrong, that I was going to wake up and think, "I'm not fucked...

"I'm not a lost soul.

"That demon in my dream is just kidding about jamming the white-hot poker into my testicles..."

Fuck, no.

I was wrong.


I woke up creepingly depressed today.

I crawled around in my underwear for just long enough to feel enough shame to stand up and start cleaning the apartment. Two weeks of red wine had taken its tolll.

At that point, I told myself, "Fuck no.

"I cannot be damned.

"There must be hope for me..."

I ate a banana (they always help), and I drank some wheatgrass while I pounded three or four One-A-Day vitamins.

They kinda helped.

In fact, they gave me the energy to be angry.

I wasn't going to go down with the fucking ship.


"I can't be damned!"

I said it out loud, because the cat and/or our plant was listening.

I tried not to scratch the itch.

I drank another three glasses of water and pounded a few more vitamins...

The apartment was operating-room clean at this point, and I steeled myself.

"Surely God has something to tell me...

"God may no longer believe in Me, but I still believe in Him..."

I ran and grabbed a Bible.


I told myself, "God will speak to me.

"I'll open it, and open my heart, and it'll answer all my fucking questions..."

You know what book and chapter the God-forsaken Fates gave me?

Ecclesiastes 12.

For most of my readers (the ones who aren't already laughing), I'll drop a few passages here...

12:11 The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails--given by one Shepherd...

12:12 Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them. Of making many books, there is no end, and much study weakens the body.

12:13 Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter; Fear God, and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man,

12:14 For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether good or evil.

I'm fucking screwed.

It was a good time while it lasted.

What really gets me is that I suck at chess...


See you in Hell.